The Urban Monkey With Murray Foote: Ep 7, Love Will Keith be able to grasp the concept of love by the end of the episode? Will Lee Anne fall in love with Keith? Sam Simmons

‘The Urban Monkey With Murray Foote’: Ep 5, Knowledge

Murray teaches Keith and the Urban Monkeys about the power of knowledge. We take a look at what a dog’s tail wag really means. Sam Simmons.

4 months ago

The Urban Monkey With Murray Foote: Ep 6, Friends

Murray attends a party with the Urban Monkeys - but is he really a welcome guest? Can Keith make any friends? Can Siamangs really cook? Sam Simmons

4 months ago

The Urban Monkey With Murray Foote: Ep 2, Birth

This week Murray plays midwife to Lee Anne and Keith’s love child, and reveals, to everyones dismay, that Keith’s brother Glenn is actually adopted.

4 months ago

Triple j 'nearly there' podcast, episode 152

4 months ago

Wil Anderson's DVD Launch at Sydney Comedy Store

4 months ago

Horoscopes

GENERAL OUTLOOK

If all else fails, we can always go back to live with our parents. Remember that when you’re spending the rent this week, down at the local whore house or takeaway chicken and chip shop. Life can always get worse my friends.

AQUARIUS- 20 January to 18 February

Kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President, kill the President.

PISCES- 19 February to 20 March

Fun fact about people who write horoscopes: 80% of all people who write horoscopes have been convicted of a criminal offence. A further 60% are currently awaiting trial charged as part of a global people smuggling ring.

ARIES- 21 March to 20 April

A mad dog will chase you down and maul you in a public park this week. Far from being concerned, the dog’s owner will actually encourage the dog to greater acts of madness. Your entire face will eventually be torn off

TAURUS- 21 April to 20 May

Fun fact about people who write horoscopes: Most people who write horoscopes admit to having homicidal thoughts at one or more times in their lives. Frequently, these feelings are accompanied by a deep sexual desire.

GEMINI- 21 May to 20 June

Apprehended by K-Mart store security with a back pack full of stolen wrapping paper, you will have little choice but to offer sexual favours in exchange for leniency. The guard’s point blank refusal will only add to your shame.

CANCER- 21 June to 21 July

Fun fact about people who write horoscopes: Your average horoscope writer spends about four hours a week thinking about ways to destroy humanity as we know it. Horoscope writers only see the bad aspects of everybody.

LEO- 22 July to 21 August

Don’t make friends with people you meet in alleyways. If you’re walking past a dark alley and someone goes “Pssst, hey you!”, don’t go “Who, me?” Just keep walking dipshit. Alleyways are portals in to hell.

VIRGO- 22 August to 21 September

Fun fact about people who write horoscopes: In 1928, registered sex offender and popular horoscope writer “The Doctor” was arrested in the street while posing as a human statue and demanding that passersby touch the front of his pants.

LIBRA-22 September to 22 October

“But I just met you!” You’ll hear that a lot this week, as you strike up conversations with strangers, introduce yourself and then ask if they want to masturbate on camera while you ask them intrusive questions and cry.

SCORPIO- 23 October to 21 November

Fun fact about people who write horoscopes: the people who write horoscopes frequently work other jobs such as dish washers, heroin dealers or tap dancing instructors. They’ll do anything to make ends meet. They lie for a living.

SAGITTARIUS- 22 November to 20 December

When life pushes you down a flight of stairs, you dust yourself and get right back up again. Unless you’ve lost feeling in your legs, or you’ve lost consciousness. Or a bone is sticking out of your arm or something horrible like that.

CAPRICORN- 21 December to 19 January

You’re starting to get ahead now but you’ll be seriously tempted to sit back on your laurels and get drunk at three in the afternoon. But why don’t you actually keep focussed on your pitiful little empire. Remember; buy low, sell high.

5 months ago